when i decided to stop coloring my hair
"What's one thing you want to do when you grow up?"  Had given this question when I was child, my answer would be as simple : to have my hair colored.  The younger me thought that having a natural  Asian black hair color was too common.Plus, with just one change ,I can elevate my total look while freely expressing myself. How nice is it? Therefore , when I first stepped on college, I maximized this opportunity to tick off one of my long awaited wish list.

I cannot forget the first feeling when I saw the 'different version of myself me standing in the mirror. The level of confidence and self love burst out altogether like never before. I was madly in love with hair color more than my love for dresses and make up.

Years passed by as I reached mid 20's . Quarter life crisis had hit me hard that time. It was a rough time for me as tried to cover up the brokenness inside by constantly pampering my outer appearance and pretending it was all okay. From just simple hair color experiment, turned into the stage that whenever I saw myself standing with black roots already showing, I hate myself even more and hurried to get myself a touch up. I began to see myself differently, that without hair color , I lost my confidence too at once.It certainly no longer served as self beauty standards but part of my self worth as well.

Reality is, no matter how hard I tried to build up my confidence, I was utterly helpless. Until sometime in 2016 , I experienced a life changing moment in my spiritual journey.  My perspective in life has shifted since then, along with renewed mind of upon seeing my self worth. One day as I look over myself in the mirror, and the black roots showed . I strangely felt nothing. No hatred toward self and such of that anymore. I finally fully accept that I was born this way with natural Asian black hair and it's beautiful from the start. Colored or not. I am still myself , nothing change, nor it suppose to be the reason of degrades my look. My self worth and confidence comes not in form of merely outer look but from someone who loves me unconditionally and helps me to love myself better.

With this sharing ,my intention is not opposing any use of Hair Color ,making it sounds all evil. See, Fashion, Skincare, Make Up..All of that are actually good tools to make us look more presentable. I just don't want it to be the reason define myself again. Not denying the possibility that one day (maybe) I'll dye my hair again. But surely with a new perspective that it's gonna be purely just for fun.  As for time time being, I'd rather enjoy having my natural black hair ,trying my best to cherish every moment of being the real me, every day  :)

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